So, you’re looking to learn more about DDLG. Good for you. Here, I’ve created a guide to give you all you need to know about practicing DDLG safely and consensually.
What makes me credible to talk about this topic? Well, I’ve been in several DDLG relationship with littles over the years, including one currently. Yes, everything here is my own opinion and I’m sure other Daddy’s have different options.. but that’s just life! Any comments or criticisms, you’re welcome to let me know. So, without further ago, lets have a look at what DDLG really is.
What is DDLG?
DDLG stands for Daddy Dom, Little Girl. Whilst to the uneducated that might sound kinda creepy, it’s really not how you think it is. Well actually, it’s probably exactly how you think it is.. but stop being so judgemental. Real DDLG is always between two consenting adults who are looking to add another layer to their relationship.
Other acronyms you may have heard of that relate to DDLG are
- DDLB (Daddy Dom, Little Boy)
- MDLG (Mommy Dom, Little Girl)
- MDLB (Mommy Dom, Little Boy)
These terminologies are rare, and DDLG is often used as an umbrella term to differentiate it from other BDSM style relationships.
What does a DDLG Relationship consist of?
Though it’s unnecessary to define a DDLG relationship, there are a few things that a stereotypical DDLG relationship will consist of. These are;
- Ageplay – The primary feature that you’ll find in any DDLG style relationship. Generally, the Daddy is less concerned with his age than his little, though I have met a daddy that liked his little to treat him specifically like an older gentleman (Grand Daddy Dom?), so this isn’t always the case. For a little, their age can vary drastically and it’s likely that if you’re just embarking on this type of relationship that it will take them a while to figure it out.
- Power exchange – Much like you would have a lack of power with your parents or guardians, the same applies to a DDLG relationship. One party assumes more control during DDLG times, whilst the other party assumes a more submissive role. This is often what attracts people to DDLG in the first place, and this part isn’t much different from another BDSM power exchange relationship. In fact, it isn’t much different than a regular relationship, where one person assumes a more dominant role than their partner.
- Punishments – The general idea of a DDLG relationship is control, yes. And if one person has control and the other does not follow what they’re saying, then there must be a consequence. Much of this takes an IFTTT aspect – “If This, Then That”. For example – if you don’t go to bed at this time, then this will happen. Whatever this means is different in different relationships.
Can you really define DDLG?
No. Yes. Kind of. In my opinion, you can define your DDLG relationship however you want to. But defining a DDLG relationship in general is pretty difficult as they do vary a lot. For example, some people may like punishments, but I have friends who don’t include this as part of their DDLG dynamic whatsoever. So, it’s really impossible to define everyone’s DDLG relationship with a few sentences.
For the most part, a DDLG relationship can be defined as “a relationship that combines power exchange and ageplay to suit the people involved”. There, that’s broad enough, right?
What is a little?
A little is generally considered as a submissive who enjoys being treated as a child – the age of that child varies greatly. Some littles enjoy being treated like a newborn, some littles like being treated like a bratty teenager – it’s really down to each individual.
Due to their supposed age when they are being a little – called ‘little space’ – the little will usually enjoy to revert to doing things that a child does. Coloring books and watching Disney films are often some of the things that a little will enjoy the most.
If you think that you might be a little, then don’t worry – it’s totally normal. If you’re already in a relationship, then discuss this with your partner as something you’d like to explore. If you’re single, then you can start practicing being a little on your own to see if you enjoy it.
What is a Daddy Dom?
The name Daddy Dom almost speaks for itself, but there are some misconceptions around it that you may have.
Essentially, the dominant part of the relationship can be very similar to another BDSM relationship, but there are certain aspects that a Daddy will have to consider. His little will usually have an inner child feeling, which means that he has to consider this more as opposed to a traditional dom/sub dynamic. Often littles will want to be submissive, but they want to be cared for like a father would care for their child – hence, a daddy dom.
What is ageplay and is it wrong?
Ageplay is where you ‘play’ and different ‘age’. Yes, I know – shocking. But, it’s really as simple as it sounds.
Ageplay is not wrong, no matter what age that you play – whether it be older or younger than your actual age. As long as both parties consent, then ageplay can be an enjoyable part of any relationship.
Is DDLG illegal?
God, no. If you think something between two consenting parties should be illegal, then you should probably take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Except murder.. I guess murder between two consenting adults should still be illegal. But that’s it, okay.
If you’ve been in DDLG for a while and ever tried to explain to someone what it is, you’ve undoubtedly been judged in a negative way.
“So, you’re pretending she’s underage? That’s sick!”
“You’re pretending he’s your dad? Ew, gross”
Yup, I’ve heard them all. But in reality, a DDLG relationship is a totally normal and consensual relationship between two adults.
I don’t know about you, but if two people are in a consensual relationship and it makes them happy – there’s really nothing wrong with it! Live and let live, that’s what I say anyways.
Though a DDLG relationship shouldn’t be judged, it is interesting to analyse the psychology behind it. Why do we think this way? Is it just a spontaneous fetish that we’ve developed, or is it something deeper than that?
The real answer is that the psychology behind DDLG is completely different for everyone. There’s really no one umbrella answer that can explain this for the entire population of DDLG enthusiasts. But, I can give you my view on what the majority of people I have met feel about their fetish.
At it’s very core, a DDLG relationship is formed around two things; being cared for, or caring for someone. This is the basis of a DDLG relationship and can explain why it’s more often ‘Daddy and Little Girl’ than ‘Mommy and Little Boy’. Whilst Mommy and Little Boy relationships do exist, the majority of these relationships are with the male being the caregiver and the female being cared for. You’ve undoubtedly heard that women like ‘alpha’ males. Whilst this isn’t the case for all women, this is definitely the case for many.
As a little, it’s all about being cared for. Being looked after. Being protected. When you’re in <insert internal>little space<internal> you can relinquish all the adult responsibilities associated with life. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by adult-ing? Well, for the period of time you’re in little space you can forget about everything and just be a child again. This is why it’s ultimately important to find a Daddy that you can trust entirely and let your inner little roam free.
Where does the DDLG fetish come from?
It’s different for all relationships and I can’t give you a blanket statement that explains the psychology behind why someone likes a certain fetish.
If you ask a Little individually, they may or may not know why they enjoy their fetish. It could be that they had an overbearing father as a child. It could be the absence of a father figure that has made them want to be a Little. Or, they may have had a perfect upbringing and this fetish has come from nowehere.
With the majority of fetishes, they can often be linked back to some experience as an adolescent – but this certainly isn’t always the case.
DDLG Punishment Psychology
Another common part of a DDLG relationship is punishment. Spankings, corner time and chores are often necessary for littles. This could come from a variety of reasons.
It could come from the need for structure in their life. It could be that the little feels the need of punishment if they don’t do what they’re told – “if you don’t do this, there will be consequences”. It could just be that they like getting hit on the butt really hard.
Psychologically, it’s relatively easy to see where this part of the fetish may come from. Many littles come from two totally opposite extremes. On one hand, they may have either experienced a lot of discipline as a child. Many littles have had a strict upbringing, and although they may have hated it at the time, they now crave this same discipline as an adult, too.
On the other hand, I’ve actually met a few littles who had no father figure growing up. The absence of a male role model and caregiver in their life is something they have always searched for. This lack of attention has left them wanting the punishments that they did not receive as a child.
Of course, the physical aspect of punishment – being spanked – releases endorphins and serotonin in the same way that you would experience from sex, or sports. Ever heard of ‘Runners High‘, where a runner will get a sudden euphoric experience? This release of endorphins is strikingly similar to when a submissive enters subspace – where they are totally immersed into the situation, resulting in a euphoric feeling.
Why do I want to be a Bratty Little?
In my experience, you would struggle to find many littles who don’t have a bratty side. These littles are the ones that specifically misbehave and act up in order to get attention and, more often than not, punishment from their caregiver.
Why do littles act bratty? It’s pretty simple; it’s part of who they are! Much like you’ll find children who act up and children who are well behaved, the same goes for littles.
What about the Caregiver (Daddy)?
The most common misconception of DDLG that I see is that the main thing that the caregiver gets out of the situation is control. Many people think that the part the Daddy enjoys is controlling his partner sexually.
I would be lying if I said that this wasn’t an enjoyable part of the relationship for the Daddy. But in my circle, the enjoyment for the caregiver primarily comes from the opposite side of the spectrum of the little. Whilst a little enjoys having no responsibility, Daddy’s actually enjoy the feeling of responsibility and caring for someone.
As a Daddy, you’re automatically placed into a position of trust and power. Your Little is trusting you to look after them and protect them, which is a feeling many caregivers enjoy.
You’re also likely to receive a lot of attention as a Daddy. Many people think that being a little is needing attention, which they do. But in trying to get their Daddy’s attention constantly, they’re actually giving their Daddy a lot of attention themselves. Though I have met a few caregivers who don’t like the constant pestering and prodding from their little, the majority of the time they secretly enjoy the attention (though they’re unlikely to confess that to their little!).
Where does the enjoyment of being a Daddy come from psychologically? Well, it’s simple. It’s human nature for many men to want to care for someone. Heck, it’s human nature for humans to want to care for other humans, and be cared about.
Again, we’re back to the main psychology behind a DDLG relationship. There are many different things that make up this type of relationship; guidance, discipline, love, protection. But essentially, it’s caring for someone and being cared for, like any other normal relationship.
As it’s your own personal relationship, of course you make the rules. But, there’s no harm in getting some ideas of what you might like from other sources. Often, you might find something new that you’d never have thought previously that you’d like in your relationship. Here’s some examples of DDLG rules that you might like to incorporate into your relationship.
In general, the majority of the rules that are given are meant for a little to improve themselves (unless you’re particularly sadistic!). A little wants to improve themselves, and a good Daddy will do that for them. Here’s a few examples of what I mean.
- No Complaining – During punishments or little time, your little can’t complain or moan (as the majority of them love to do so!). This shouldn’t be confused with letting your little express themselves if they genuinely don’t enjoy something.
- No Backchat – Establishing authority over a little is important, so backchat shouldn’t be allowed under any circumstance.
- No Cursing – Children don’t swear, do they? Well then there’s no reason that your little should be using bad words, either.
- Caring Rules e.g. no smoking – This one is especially good if your little is trying to give up bad habits like smoking, as you can easily incorporate this into your play.
- Drink x amount per day – Another health conscious option is ensuring your little gets enough water every day.
- Brush teeth – Everyone is probably guilty of sneaking some sweets after brushing their teeth, and ensuring that they brush their teeth twice a day is another good rule for littles.
- No touching – More of a punishment than a rule, no touching themselves can be a good idea if you want to control your littles sexual pleasure.
- Messages and Phone Calls – Depending on how close the relationship is between little and daddy, some littles want a daddy to protect them. This means monitoring their social media and messages from any unwanted people.
- Talk to Daddy – Giving your little the opportunity to talk to their daddy should be a privilege – determining how they talk to their daddy is something you can consider dictating.
- No going out at night – Depending on where you’re living, not letting your little out at night is a typical rule – much like your child has a curfew, a little may need a curfew too.
- No talking to strangers – Keeping a little safe is a caregivers main priority. Part of this can involve them not talking to strangers.
DDLG Punishment Examples
When your little doesn’t follow the rules that you’ve set out for them, then it can be necessary to punish them for their bad behaviour. Of course, it’s down to you and your little to decide what the best punishment is for your little.
Generally, I like to divide punishment into two categories; pleasure punishments, and real punishments. Of course, if you’re little actually enjoys being spanked, then it isn’t going to be much of a punishment for them to get put over your knee is it! So, it’s also important to decide whether you want some actual punishments for your little for when they’re really bad.
As always, you do need to ensure that everything you do with each other is consensual! Here are a few examples of the most common punishments that you may want to consider.
- OTK Spanking – Probably the most common punishment for a little is to get them over your knee and give them a hard spanking. Like I said, a lot of littles actually enjoy a good spanking, so if you really want to punish them you can find ways to do this e.g. spanking on the upper thighs, just below the butt cheeks is a good way to give a proper punishments (it hurts a lot more!).
- Caning/Paddling etc – Many littles like the intimacy of an Over the Knee spanking, but if you want to up the ante a little you can look into getting some sort of spanking implements. Paddles, canes – you can browse the market and find an abundance of different things that you might want to try with your little.
- Writing Lines – Along with the stereotypical ‘naughty child’ aspect of DDLG, another thing that many littles enjoy is being told to write lines. You don’t necessarily need to have a chalkboard for this – you can even make them fill up their journal with lines.
- Corner time – Especially useful post-spanking, corner time is really useful for letting your little reflect on their punishment even more. It’s also a good opportunity to get a good look at your littles butt!
- Forced/denied orgasms – If you’re feeling a little more evil, then you can consider either giving your little a forced orgasm with a magic wand. You can also deny them permission from orgasming too, which can be really frustrating for a little.
There are some other punishments which I personally classify more as a real punishment. Every little I’ve been with has enjoyed spanking and orgasms, so it’s up to you to come up with some real punishments (if they want real punishments, obviously). Here are some of my favorite punishments which most of the time, actually aren’t enjoyable (but that kind are).
- Humiliate and degrade them – One of the most confusing parts of being a submissive is the want to be humiliated, but also partially disliking it at the same time. If your little isn’t sure about this, you can test the water with some mild humiliation. But if this is something they particularly enjoy, then you can look at more extreme methods like e.g. forced pant-wetting.
- Bedtimes and withdrawing privileges – If your little misbehaves, sending them to bed early to reflect on their behaviour can be a good idea. Along with this, you can withdraw an privileges they may have e.g. no television allowed. Some people choose to do this with food and tell their little they can’t have any bad food, but for me I don’t think this is the best idea as it may encourage eating disorders in some individuals.
- Soap in the mouth – One of the more extreme things that the majority of littles don’t like is things like soap in the mouth. This can be used as a punishment for your littles bad swearing, because of course a child (little) should be punished for using curse words. Discuss this with your little prior.
This is just a really small sample of some of the ideas that you can consider if you’re looking for punishments for your little. Have a look online with your little and get some ideas about what you might like to incorporate as part of your play.
In the same way that your little craves punishment, many littles like being rewarded for their good behaviour. Not all littles like this, but it’s something you can discuss between you.
Unlike some people think, these rewards do not need to be expensive or to even cost any money at all. In fact, many of the best gifts that you can give to your little are actually free. So, it is worth considering giving your little small rewards for their good behaviour. Here are a few examples of some good rewards for your little.
- Create a sticker chart – The simplest way to give a little rewards is to create a gold sticker chart for them. Behave well? Get a gold sticker! Behave badly? Well, they can easily end up with NO stickers – something no little wants.
- Sweeties/Dessert – Has your little behaved well? Then rewarding them with their favorite sweets can be a good idea, especially as it limits the amount of sweets they’ll be eating on a regular basis too.
- Special dates – Littles love attention, and nothing means more to them than spending a whole evening with their daddy. You can choose to do a variety of things together; pizza dates, cinema dates and even a night in can be a good reward for littles.
- Wishlist – There’s nothing wrong with spending money on your little, so having them set up a wishlist is a good idea. Depending on how good they’ve been, this can dictate the level of their reward.
Are DDLG relationships possible 24/7?
Yes, definitely. Whilst you don’t have to act out the DDLG dynamic consistently, there are many relationships that enjoy having the DDLG dynamic as a 24/7 part of their lifestyle.
This is primarily for things like bed times, wake up times and punishments. Many littles actually crave a 24/7 daddy to care for them.
Being part of a 24/7 relationship doesn’t mean you’re going to be doing sexual stuff all day. For the most part, like other relationships you’ll curl up together and watch films or have dinner like you usually would. But in a 24/7 relationship, there is the consistent presence of an aforementioned agreement that will dictate how you behave.
Overall, the most important part of a DDLG relationship – or any relationship, for that matter – is that everything is consensual between each other. Ensuring things are comfortable for both of you is essential, and this is true for the caregiver too. If they don’t really feel comfortable about doing something with a little, then they shouldn’t have to do this just to make their little happy. And of course, the little should never go past their hard limits for their daddy, either.
If you feel like adding anything to this guide, or if there’s anything I’ve missed, then feel free to leave a comment! I’m always welcome to adding stuff to the blog, so this is more than welcome.